Show and Tell
Subjective versus Objective descriptions.
You’ve it heard before. Repeated in creative writing classes and at workshops. A mantra drummed into our brains until it is accepted as bedrock truth:
Show; don’t tell!
I know what they mean. I understand the intent behind the advice. But I tell stories, I don’t show them. There has to be some exposition or else the book is one giant morass of unintelligible action and dialogue.
Maybe that’s your style. Maybe your book is a single run-on sentence for three hundred pages. I don’t know. Sounds unwieldy.
Striking the balance between these two ends of the spectrum is the difficult part. How much showing is enough? How much telling tightens up the action? What needs to be shown and what will be confusing if you don’t explain beforehand? Is there even a difference between the two?
(Slight tangent: my single biggest reading pet peeve is when the author waxes on and on about a character’s appearance. How they dress, the color of their hair and eyes, their mannerisms. That is definitely information I don’t need told to me. Unless it has significance to the story, I don’t care. When people criticized Stephanie Meyers for not describing Bella Whatever-her-name-is, it made no sense. She has pale skin and dark hair. That’s enough for me. Personal opinion, take it as you will.)
I went through things I’ve read lately and my own writing to try to find some examples of both showing and telling.
Here is the first paragraph of “The Secret Service of Tea and Treason (Dangerous Damsels Book 3)” by India Holton. (This just published; I had been eagerly awaiting it! Highly recommend.) Holton has a narrative style that I really like:
“It was the best of dress shops, it was the worst of dress shops. It sold the most beautiful garments, it sold the ugliest scraps, and Miss Primella Tewkes fell in love and despair as she walked amongst its displays.”
Already I get a sense that this character is all drama. She is impatient and searching for a dress. Obviously, an important dress or she wouldn’t be despairing. I understand the setting, the action, the emotional level. I want to know what happens next.
But this is ‘telling.’ I am told Primella falls in love and in despair. I don’t see it. Yet, the opening is still compelling.
Here’s another. “Rogue Protocol",” by Martha Wells, one of the Murderbot Diaries. (Also amazing.)
“I have the worst luck with bot-driven transports.”
Why, Murderbot? What happened? Knowing you, something terrible that involved *ahem* murdering people. I’m sure they deserved it, but what happened? Please tell me more.
Now, some showing.
“Swordheart,” by T. Kingfisher (Love her!)
“It was cheap glass, full of bubbles. The reflection it threw back to her was distorted, so she could see only an oval of pale skin, pale hair, and respectably dark mourning clothes.”
Here, Kingfisher used an object in the setting — cheap glass in a window — to show us her main character. We know she’s pale and light-haired. She’s in mourning. Why? Who died?
Now, something from my WIP. (Doesn’t have a title, yet…)
His cry of pain clutched her heart. She ran to the window but could not see him in the seething mass outside. She heard him fighting, saw the bodies he pushed back. A metallic clatter as his sword fell to the stones.
Oh, snap. He’s been disarmed and something (they don’t know what) is overwhelming him.
So, what’s the difference? It took me a long time to understand, but I think I’ve got it sorted:
Tell with descriptions = subjective.
Show with actions = objective.
The mirror ‘threw’ back reflections. The sword ‘clattered’ as it fell. These are showing.
Murderbot has the ‘worst luck.’ Miss Tewkes ‘fell in love and despair.’ These are telling.
And you need both. One is not better than the other. One may work better in a given scene, but one is not inherently desirable and the other terrible.
He was nervous. Short, descriptive. Also subjective and needs insight into the character’s emotions.
He shifted from foot to foot, worrying his lower lip with his teeth. Longer, slower to read, so slows the action. But now objective; I can see that he is nervous.
Let’s shift the POV.
I was nervous. Still subjective, but a little boring.
I shifted from foot to foot, worrying my lower lip with my teeth. Er, I don’t like this either. Do I notice when I do these tics personally? Is it realistic for a person to narrate their entire somatic experience? Maybe for your style, but mine, not so much.
How about:
I noticed myself fidgeting and straightened self-consciously.
or:
I heard the click of the lock, the turn of the handle, and my face flushed hot, then cold.
I need Brittany Tomlinson:
Each situation will be different, depending on the scene, your characters, your style, all the things. Whether you make the first face or the second will give you some guidance as to what fits into your story.
I’ll end with the much-maligned opening lines from Edward Bulwer-Lytton’s Paul Clifford:
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
Bulwer-Lyyton tells us the scene: a dark and stormy night. Then he shows it to us, with rattling rooftops and struggling flames. We get location, time period (gas lamps), and time of day. It’s cold and dark, and anyone outside must have a reason to be facing such weather.
Purple prose or not, it works.
India Holton just released “The Secret Service of Tea and Treason (Dangerous Damsels Book 3)” Loved it. Mr. Bixby can butle for me any day.
Martha Wells’ books are great! Excellent sci-fi stories.
T. Kingfisher is one of my favorites!
I am super excited about my WIP I just finished. It’s a fantasy novella and once it’s polished and edited, I might release it as a freebee for subscribers. Stay tuned!
My first book, Archer 887, is a 2022 Indies Today Awards Contest Finalist, and is on sale now through online book retailers. Pick up a copy, leave a review, and let me know what you think!
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Thanks for reading! Anna