Short Story: The Profundus Problem

Sci-Fi, Superheroes, YA

Stanley was born of two of the world’s most powerful Heroes. His father, enhanced by an experiment gone wrong. His mother, the regal daughter of an alien race. Their son? He’s, well… normal. It’s depressing. He has a curfew and everything. Lame.

My legs were tingling and cramped, but I did my best to hobble after the towering form leading me to the surface. I squinted in the sunlight and the sea breeze blasted me in a joyous rush of enthusiasm.

“We have emerged!” the hero stated. I hadn’t caught his name during the battle below. He stood, hands braced on hips, and surveyed the desolate landscape. “You are free from that infernal pit!”

“Yeah, thanks,” I wheezed, winded and shivering. The sun was warm, but the long days below ground had left a stubborn chill in my body.

“Come, young Stanley. Let us away.”

I had barely time to yelp before he grabbed me around my waist and we shot into the air. I closed my eyes and prayed he was flying, not plummeting. The rocks were a long way down and looked depressingly deadly.

Numb with cold once more, we landed some time later. My teeth were chattering so hard my vision rattled. The hero, who ever he was, was once again standing with hands on hips, profile turned to highlight his chiseled features.

“Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!” His stilted laugh was a crow of pride in his accomplishment. Already people were swarming, phones out to cement proof they were there to witness… whatever was going on. I scowled and slid out of the limelight.

Not that I wasn’t grateful. I was, truly. Demonikor was not a nice – er – person and I was happy to be freed from his dungeon. But I wasn’t looking forward to my parents’ reactions. Nor the ever-increasing security precautions they were sure to adopt.

I didn’t creep fast enough. “Young Stanley!”

He appeared even larger surrounded by ordinary things, like buses and street signs. “Young Stanley, we must seek medical attention for your wounds.”

“I’m okay,” I lied. I hadn’t gone without a fight. It was satisfying to know some of Demonikor’s henchmen were nursing broken kneecaps, if not tossed into a lava pit for their incompetence. “I’ll just call my mom and – “

“Yes! Your parents must be alerted to your safe return at once. Ha ha ha ha ha!

My phone had been crushed beneath a black boot heel to prevent GPS from tracking me down. I reluctantly borrowed one, hoping in the excitement the owner would not notice when I deleted the call when I was finished.

“Parker and Grant Associates,” a bored, nasally voice recited. “How may I direct your – “

“Natalia, it’s me!”

“Stanley!” Still nasal, but now choppy with concern. “Stanley, where are you?”

“Ummm…” It was interesting how so many places looked alike. If you couldn’t see an iconic landmark, the general feel of regional cities was rather similar. The bus stop next to us had a symbol of a stately, red bridge on the sign. “San Francisco, I think.”

“Stay there! Your parents are on their way!”

I expertly fumbled with the phone and ‘accidently’ deleted all of the calls instead of just mine. Oops.

Before long, a roar grew and everyone’s hair whipped as my parents’ Aeroship hovered over us. The street was too narrow for it to land, so Dad leapt down. The pavement cracked beneath his feet.

“Stan!” he cried. I was caught up in a hug a tad too tight for comfort.

“Dad!” I gasped, the wind knocked out of me. It gave me a good excuse for my eyes to water. “I’m fine! Just cold. And hungry.”

“Are you hurt?” he demanded, setting me down to examine me all over. He scowled at my bruises and the cuts to my face.

“Fine,” I insisted. “Gave as good as I got.”

My rescuer stepped up at once to join the spectacle. “Young Stanley is a good a fighter as ever I saw,” he praised, knocking my shoulder with a beefy, friendly fist. “Kept two or three of them busy while I handled Demonikor.”

Dad’s eyes widened, a swift look between us. I scowled, wishing the name had not been brought up.

“Thank you, um…”

“Profundus,” the well-built Adonis said, clasping my father’s hand in a firm grip. He seemed to pause. “Young Stanley is your son?”

That flummoxed him. I was used to it.

“Really hungry,” I reminded everyone.

Dad extracted his hand. “Profundus, please come visit us.” He produced a business card from nowhere. “I would like to know more of your… adventure.”

Profundus’ wide grin had faded, his piercing eyes bent on me. A rope ladder fell between us and I clutched the rungs desperately.

“’Bye! Thanks!” I called to Profundus as I climbed. Dad’s weight kept it from wobbling too much. I was no longer cold, but hot and itchy as I hauled myself over the edge and into the Aeroship’s hold.

Dad leveraged himself up and over with one hand and bounced forward on light feet. I cursed under my breath and was swallowed by Mom’s anxious arms.

“My darling!” she murmured, kissing me all over. “Baby, are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt? Who was it? Did you kill them?”

I said nothing, as responses were not necessary to my mother’s inquiries. She produced water and food, which I ate single-mindedly until replete. She tucked me into a narrow bunk in the main cabin and hushed us, though she was the only one talking.

I fell asleep holding her hand, Dad looming over her shoulder.

It took a lot of explaining, but I finally convinced them I shouldn’t be locked in the house for the rest of my earthy existence.

“It is only seventy more years or so,” Mom insisted, worry making her eyes wide and pleading. “After your Rebirth on Kheranstak, this century will be like an instant, I promise!”

“Mo-om!”

“He’s nearly a Man,” Dad countered, the capital letter clear and definite. “He can make his own decisions.”

The prospect of being a Grown-Up was not as appealing as they thought it was. Seventeen was an annoying limbo year I had no intention of leaving too soon. No responsibilities, living at home, easy expectations (Turn in assignments! Don’t do drugs! Hang out with friends!). But in this case, I put down my usually easy-going foot.

“What about college?” I heard myself saying. “What about my future? I can’t live here forever.”

By the tremble of Mom’s mouth, she had been wishing I could stay home forever. I hugged her so I wouldn’t have to see her worry.

“Please, mom. It was a freak thing. Demonikor is crushed under a mountain. It will be, like, fifty years before he can escape.”

“But there are so many villains,” she protested.

“And I could get hit by a bus tomorrow,” I said and immediately regretted it. Tears swelled. “Just saying!” I added hastily. “I have to live my life!”

“Glorinda,” Dad said softly, his hand on her shoulder. She sniffed but tossed back her shimmering silver hair in a gesture I knew meant she was bracing herself for disaster.

“Very well,” she conceded. “But you will never do something like this again!”

I over-looked her logical fallacy and swore on my family name, my blood, my royal status in the House of Khell’la’mon, and my Scout’s Honor that I would do everything I could to be safe and not get abducted again.

It was a long day the next Monday.

Everyone wanted to hear my adventure and I wearily tried to put them off. It was fifty-fifty, those who sneered at me and my glory-hogging and those who hung on my lips as though I was disclosing the secrets of the universe.

My friends just laughed at me and went about our usual routine. I showed my appreciation by grunting when they expressed gladness at my safe return and shrugging when asked if it was exciting.

Felicity asked the pertinent question. “But, how did you escape?”

“Profundus.” She made a face at me. “That’s his name,” I explained. “This hero found me and tackled Demonikor.”

She did a quick search on her phone. “Wow, he’s cute.”

“Not my type.”

Jess looked over her shoulder. “Wow.”

I mistakenly looked. He was posing with his shirt off, sculpted musculature glistening in the sun. Making a gagging face, I left them to ogle.

I saw the real deal in person that afternoon. I was waiting for Natalia to pick me up from school when a blast of air knocked me back and the hum of voices went silent.

“Young Stanley!”

I looked up from where I had fallen and scowled at Profundus.

“How are you this day?” He helped me to my feet, nearly dislocating my shoulder in the process.

“Fine,” I grumbled, retrieving my new phone where it had dropped. The case was scratched. Irritated, I stuffed it away and tried to ignore the blank camera eyes staring at us. “What are you doing here?”

“I wish to visit your Father, as he so graciously offered at our last meeting. And…” he hesitated. “And I wished to see how you were faring, Young Stanley.”

“I’m fine.”

“Excellent. Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

I wondered if laughter was a foreign concept on his home planet. He had to be an alien. Or maybe a robot. He was too tall, too perfectly built, and too awkward to be anything else.

We stood in silence until Natalia drove up to the curb. The passenger window rolled down, radiating disapproval only augmented by her raised eyebrow.

“Stan?”

I sighed. “This is Profundus.”

Her mouth was prim, but the doors unlocked.

We rode in silence.

Mom and Dad were pleased to meet my savior. Profundus seemed rather awed by my Mom, which most people were. She was seven feet tall, muscular, shimmering skin and hair, eyes unnaturally brilliant green. And you could tell she could rip you in half if you robbed a bank or put your shoes on the couch.

Dad was less exotic, but no less dangerous. Human at one time, he had fallen into a vat of something and emerged indestructible. He played it down, though his reflexes gave his Super away instantly. If you tossed him the remote, his arm blurred with the speed of his reaction.

And then there was me, sitting awkwardly at the table as they spoke over my head. Not human, but certainly not a Celestial Warrior hailing from Planet Kheranstak. Not human but inclined to drop things and get hit in the face by basketballs thrown in my general direction. I swam junior varsity freestyle and liked hiking.

Yeah.

Profundus’ brow continued to be wrinkled in thought as he bid my parents an extremely formal good-bye and took off into the sunset.

“Well, he’s nice.” Mom said.

Dad snorted.

We ate dinner.

He was back the next day. I was sitting in Chemistry. A flash of color at the window set my hackles up. Demonikor had taken me out of a mall, no regard for civilians. I was trying to be cool, but my nervousness was wearing. So, at the first available disruption, I edged to the window to take a peek.

It was Profundus, wheeling expertly over the school. He would pause at each corner and look out over the housing developments. The sun glistened on his golden hair. I scowled and hunkered down behind my chemistry book.

I escaped during lunch to the stretch of useless lawn in front of the school.

“Good day, Young Stanley!” he hailed from above.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded.

He was confused as he slowly sank to the grass. The neatly shorn tips just touched his boots. “Why, I am protecting you, Stanley!”

“I don’t need protection!”

“What if Demonikor or another vile beast comes to capture you?”

“I’ll deal with it.”

“How?”

“Just leave me – “

“But you have no powers!”

“I know!” I snarled, with several additional expletives, just to make myself feel better. They didn’t.

Profundus had the look of a chagrined puppy. “Then how will you protect yourself from villains?”

The bell rang and I returned indignantly to my studies.

Other kids started commenting on it, with the expected grotesque embellishments.

“Can’t you parents protect you?”

“Maybe he’s in love with you?”

“Why don’t you have any powers?” This was my personal motto, bestowed upon me in pre-school. My answers had become less optimistic and less polite as the years passed.

They aren’t developed yet. I just need a stress to wake them up. Maybe I haven’t needed them yet. I’ll get them when Emperor Dhertimus feels I am ready. None of your business. Go $%!# yourself.

It was a wonder I had friends at all and Profundus wasn’t helping.

Jess and I succumbed to mutual hormones and started dating. We saw a movie and found a nice dark part of town to make-out for a while.

The car bucked as something landed on the hood.

“Young Stanley?”

I groaned, and Jess muttered under her breath.

“Go away!”

“Perhaps you should not expose yourself – “

“Go away!”

At least Jess found it all funny and still wanted to kiss me.

I started darting from car to school, sitting as far from the windows as I could, and refusing to leave the house just to avoid Profundus and his mechanical laugh.

I tried to convince Dad he was a villain in disguise, seeking to gain our trust. Dad corrected me succinctly.

“No, he’s just a moron.”

I attempted to persuade Mom that he should be sent as a peace envoy to her father, the Eternal Emperor. She laughed at me and said she thought it was nice how protective he was of me.

Even the school body started to ignore his ubiquitous inanities. There was talk of adopting him as our school mascot, rebuffing the long-revered Admiral Hartsen from his place of honor. That worthy gentleman’s portrait glowered at me whenever I passed it during breaks.

Maybe I could change my name and slip into obscurity? I could go to a college no one would expect, like modern dance school, pay them any amount of money to hide me. I could go on a trip, take a gap year, and just never return. Maybe I could defeat Profundus.

That made me sit up in bed. Could I pay some villain to do it? Could I pay some villain to capture me and then ‘free’ myself so everyone could see I was able to take care of myself, thank you very much.

The quiet, disappointed voice deep in me asked: Why couldn’t I have my own superpower?

I thumped back to bed and ignored it.

My parents irritatingly overlooked my growing surliness, whispering behind my back that this was a reaction to my kidnapping.

I wanted to scream at them, but that would only draw a hurt look to Mom’s face and scowl to Dad’s, with the usual stern finger pointing to my room. Being a High Prince did not preclude one from getting grounded.

So instead I stayed up too late on school nights and grunted peevishly when asked how my day was.

Mom didn’t come home.

Dad couldn’t get ahold of her. The screens in his office lit up with headlines and satellite feed, but there was no mention of her or a battle.

At midnight he suited up. Though his features were the same, he was a stranger. I wanted to hug him, but he was too cold and frightening to approach. He did pause at the door to the hanger and look back at me.

“Stay here, Stanley.”

I waited until the Aeroship was gone, then ran outside. Profundus was nowhere to be seen.

I shouted for him, but the sky remained empty. Had he captured her? I wondered frantically. He had always been a little awed by her, maybe even fascinated. Obsessed? Jealous? Was my dad walking into a trap?

I gunned my car and tore into the quiet street. We lived in a high-end secured community. The night man jumped into the guardhouse as I drove for the gates, horn blaring. My passenger mirror snapped off, metal shrieking as I rammed through the partially open gate.

I didn’t want to hurt anyone, so aimed for a convenient light pole. Hoping my seatbelt and airbags would spare the worst of it, I pressed the accelerator.

The car jerked and soared up into the air. It traced a lovely parabola over the shopping center and landed with a crunch in the neighboring parking lot.

Profundus climbed out from under the chassis.

“Young Stanley!” he exclaimed. I gasped, my ribs protesting my sudden deceleration. “Why have you – “

“Mom! Danger! Dad! Rescue!”

He was perturbed, but still keen to help. “I do not understand.”

“Mom’s gone. Something happened. Need to find them.” I did not add I had suspected him not five minutes before. “Please, help.”

He squared his shoulders. “Of course, Stanley. What is your plan?”

I had none but started talking anyway. “I can track the Aeroship. Dad’ll need help. If Mom could get captured…”

He seemed to understand the significance of that danger. “Can you not call on your mother’s people for assistance?”

“It would take too long! Hours, before they could reach us!” This was ultra-top-level-secret-classified, but I couldn’t care about that.

“What will you have me do?”

We flew back to my house. Inside Dad’s office, I gathered what equipment I could find. The Aeroship was a blip on my phone. I bundled up in as many layers as I could find.

“Due south,” I directed. “And hurry!”

The wind was nails of ice in my face. I screwed up my eyes and lead Profundus over the ocean and down to South America. The land below was obscured by clouds, which drenched me as we dived through them to make landfall.

I stumbled forward, legs stiff and protesting. The air was cool, which I was not expecting, and the ground bare dirt. I found I was unable to catch my breath.

“Andes,” I panted, pushing forward. “High elevation.”

Profundus was peering about in interest. “I have never been to such a place.”

“Get down!” I pulled him flat next to me, trying to blend into the desert. A mechanical whirrrr swept overhead in the night and I chanced a peek. Some sort of drone passed beyond us and dipped around a hill.

“There is a cave,” Profundus said, pointing.

I checked my phone and used some binoculars to stare into the distance. I could just make out a sheen of metal far below. “The Aeroship,” I breathed. “They’re here.”

The terrain rose steadily to the cave mouth I could now see. I paused and felt the rumble under my feet. Too regular to be an earthquake, it felt like more machinery.

Profundus moved silently, drifting over the gravel, while I crunched as gingerly as I could. The cave was pure blackness, but my flashlight cut a swath into its depths.

The tunnel went down as steeply as we had come up. The air grew warm, then hot. I shed my layers, a trail of wrinkled textiles marking out path into the mountain.

There were the usual security measures. I did my best to avoid them, overriding the ones I knew how. Profundus simply smashed a few cameras and I prayed the villain was too busy below to notice a small intrusion through the Main Exhaust Vent.

I heard the woman’s cackle and it made me shiver. We broke free from the HVAC system onto a catwalk overlooking a large chamber. I clenched my teeth in fury.

Mom was hanging from the center, her arms clamped in gleaming metal and her silver hair dropping over her face. Dad was being wrestled back by a dozen helmeted henchmen.

“Fools!” the Villainess shrieked, still laughing hysterically.

I gripped Profundus’ arm to stop him from rushing to the rescue. If this woman could capture my Mom and Dad, she was not something he could handle on his own.

Like I was any better help.

I worked down the system of ladders and walkways. All eyes were focused on this villainess and her prizes. Dad was bound tight, still struggling. Mom shook her head a few times and opened her eyes to glare at her nemesis. It was her real Glare, eyes glowing, snarling.

The villainess’ gloating faltered a moment, before bravado came to her aide.

“What a pretty prize,” she crooned, walking around my Mom to admire her from all angles. “How I shall enjoy draining you of your power.”

Mom did not waste breath retorting. Her eyes roved over the room, searching for weaknesses, anything to help her escape. She found me, huddled in the shadows with Profundus at my side.

She mouthed my name. Dad’s super-human hearing caught it and he jerked his head around. The horror in his face killed what little courage I had left.

Profundus dramatically took charge. He shoved me down and announced his presence in a ringing voice.

“Vile creature!” he bellowed. “Desist, in the name of Goodness and Right. I am Profundus and I will defeat you!”

The woman jumped clean off the floor and whirled to stare at him. He preened, tall, proud, and handsome, square chin out, hair perfectly arranged, and laughed joyously.

“Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

The villainess found her voice.

“Who are you?”

Profundus looked hurt. “I am Profundus,” he repeated slowly, as if she were slightly deaf, or maybe a little slow. “And I will defeat you!”

“Guards!”

The battle was joined. I scrambled around the edge of the room. There had to be a way to release Mom, or at least give her the room she needed to demolish the chains herself.

Profundus may have been a bit thick, but he could hold his own. He scolded the henchmen as he walloped them expertly.

“Stand down, sir! Release the Princess Glorinda at once! Unhand me, pestilent creature!”

Green fireballs were arching over the scene, the villainess jumping up and down and screaming as her henchmen fell.

Dad erupted with a roar and joined the fight. Mom was still trapped, but cracking skulls that came too near her feet.

I reached a control panel and flipped levers randomly. Mom let out an ‘oomph’ as the chains went slack, and she hit the ground. With a sharp motion, she ripped them from the ceiling. The thick links whirled around her and the henchmen fell back.

I tried to keep track of them, but the chaos and fire were too much. By sheer bad luck, I stumbled into the banshee herself. She once more jumped back, shocked at my presence, then she grabbed me and declared: “Stop, or I’ll rip off his pretty little head!”

It would have been comical to see them all frozen, Mom’s hands around some poor schmuck’s throat, Dad hefting one over his head to hurl across the room. Instead I was too scared to feel anything other than a vague sort of certainty I was about to die. Profundus drifted back to the ground and dropped the man dangling from his fist.

“Now, Your Highness,” Banshee sneered. “Get back into the extraction chamber and I won’t slaughter your precious little brat!”

Mom shook her head, almost involuntarily. “Please, please – “

“Silence!”

She took a step toward the center of the room.

“No, Mom!”

I was shaken roughly to shut me up. An interesting thing happened. Instead of terror numbing my limbs, I started feeling angry. Really angry.

Dad had tears on his face and Mom was saying my name, over and over, in a stabbing, keening voice that cut me straight through.

Banshee started laughing again, taunting them, and I lost it.

There was nothing Super about my attack. I stamped the arch of her foot and she howled. I jabbed her solar plexus, scratched at her eyes, and bodily slammed her to the ground.

I was lifted by the back of my shirt up and away and then Mom and Dad were there to finish the job I had started.

They usually tried very hard not to kill villains. This poor wretch did not stand a chance.

Mom swept her hair back and wiped blood – red, human blood - from her cheek. Then she enfolded me in a hug like she would never let me go again.

Dad tidied up the rest of the henchmen, breaking a few limbs and scattering the rest of them. He was angry, with me as well, but he only caught his breath and waved for us to follow him.

We boarded the Aeroship. A few swift missiles took care of the mountain lair.

I endured their scolding. Profundus was unusually silent. He watched us with wary eyes, as if he expected to suddenly be included in this argument. I mumbled apologies until they realized I would remain unrepentant even past my Rebirth. Then they held me close and we all cried.

Home was comforting and safe. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my bed, grumble at my alarm clock, and make my way to school. Eat cereal and watch stupid TV. Take crap from my peers and see my friends.

Profundus was embarrassed under my parents’ thanks. He gave his awkward laugh and edged out of the house. I ran out to catch him up.

“Thanks, man,” I said sincerely. “I know I’ve been a jerk. Thank you.”

He nodded. “I wish you could have your own powers, Stanley.”

I sighed. “I know. Me, too.”

“But,” he continued. “You saved them today. You knew where to look, you attacked that beastly woman single-handedly. You did very well.”

“Thanks, Profundus.”

“Good night, Young Stanley.”

“Good night.”

He soared away, and the night swallowed him up. I looked up and out to the stars, tracing constellations until I found the star that warmed my mother’s home. She joined me, Dad at my other side.

“I ran away from home when I was seventeen,” she told me.

“Why?”

“Father wanted me to join with the Summoning Lord of Argnitetch.” She grimaced. “They found me in a snorglar’s pit, about to be eaten by the broodlings. It would have been preferable to becoming his Consort.”

Dad chuckled, and I knew they were exchanging smarmy looks over my head.

“Do you want to visit Kheranstak this year?”

I shrugged. “What’s the rush? I’d still be a child by their standards, right? Locked in the castle, no freedoms, no school…”

“Speaking of which,” Dad cut in ominously. “You are grounded for the rest of your life.”

I laughed. They squeezed me tight.

Who needed superpowers?

---

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